


The Wings You Hide

by ffairyy



Series: Angel Changkyun Adventures [4]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Changkyun needs to be protected tbh, Fluff, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Sexuality talk, hoseok is soft, winged!Changkyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-19 00:14:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11885865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ffairyy/pseuds/ffairyy
Summary: Changkyun's wings shimmered in that special silver tone when he was sad or too deep in thoughts and it made him look vulnerable, no matter how much he tried to act like everything was fine.





	The Wings You Hide

**Author's Note:**

> this is just some really soft and light hurt/comfort with a hint of sexuality crisis :P

_“It feels like I’m hiding so many things in public, sometimes I’m not even sure if that’s me at all out there.”_

  
It wasn’t hard for Hoseok to tell when Changkyun was in a bad mood.   
Not just because Hoseok was generally attentive of people’s emotions and not just because he spent lots of time with Changkyun. It was because his wings became timid when Changkyun was trapped in his own head again.   
He was a good actor, always made an effort to be silly and to not let it show, but the boys could tell.   
His wings shimmered in that special silver tone when he was sad or too deep in thoughts and it made him look vulnerable, no matter how much he tried to act like everything was fine.  
  
And on some days the universe really throws everything at you at once.   
Changkyun was fighting off a cold with aggressive medicine instead of the rest he so desperately needed and their schedule wasn’t packed lately, but this day was. They’d only come back from tour, when a bunch of shows and special stages waited for them.  
  
And it was just one stage on a Tuesday afternoon, but Hoseok feared Changkyun wouldn’t make it. He was pale, dark circles under his eyes and their makeup artist had needed double the time to hide a few new pimples blooming on his face and the red, irritated skin over his mouth where his nose had been running for days. When she was done, Changkyun looked more like a celebrity again, but Hoseok couldn’t help feeling bad for him.  
  
“It’s itchy,” Changkyun said and poked at his nose, not allowed to scratch at the makeup. “I feel like a piece of cake with too much icing.”  
  
 And they were backstage, so like always, he hid his wings, but the glimmering around his shoulders was dangerously visible today.   
Hoseok could only try to imagine how exhausting it must be to hide them, to put that extra energy into keeping them invisible.   
Changkyun said it was like sucking in your stomach all day long, but oh, the consequences if he let go- they were unpredictable.  
  
So they waited for their turn to get on stage. It was just a small festival with different acts and an open air stage with a maximum of 800 people watching.

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Hoseok asked.   
  
Changkyun sat on a brown leather couch with his head in his hands, massaging his temples.  
Hoseok walked behind the couch to touch Changkyun’s shoulders, lightly first, then he gently massaged little circles where his muscles were tensed and hard.  
  
“It’s fine,” Changkyun groaned. “I’ll just sleep when we’re back.”  
  
“You’re so tensed, your neck is all hard,” Hoseok hummed.   
  
“I’m aching all over. I think I’m coming down with something. My throat hurts, too.”  
  
Hoseok leaned over the couch and rested his head on Changkyun’s shoulder. Changkyun leaned back against the couch and sighed.   
  
“It’s just two songs,” Hoseok said. “Don’t overdo it out there.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“I’ll go ask Kihyun for that throat powder stuff he always takes,” Hoseok said. “Maybe it helps with your rapping.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
Hoseok kneaded Changkyun’s shoulders a little longer and watched the air shimmer around his shoulders. Of course he trusted Changkyun to keep his wings hidden, but he couldn’t stop thinking of how fatal it might be if he just let his concentration slip for one moment. How it could mean the end for all of them. How it could possibly destroy Changkyun’s life.  
  
The rest of the boys were busy preparing for stage. Kihyun helped Hyunwoo with his stage outfit, fixing something around his collar and Hyungwon and Jooheon talked with their manager while Minhyuk played some game on his phone.   
  
Nobody paid attention to where Hoseok was leaning over Changkyun’s shoulder from behind, massaging his shoulders lightly and he took his chance.  
Tilted his head quickly and planted a soft kiss onto his neck.   
Changkyun tensed up under his touch, but then relaxed when Hoseok pulled away.  
  
“Hyung,” Changkyun said punishing, but with a smile tucking on the corner of his mouth.  
  
“I know, sorry,” Hoseok smiled. “I’ll get you Kihyun’s magic powder.”

  
  
Everything was going alright on stage. There were some Monsta X fans in the audience as well as people who didn’t seem to care about them at all.   
There were dark ominous clouds hanging over the venue and just when Hoseok thought they’d spare them, it started raining halfway through their second performance.   
Dancing in the rain wasn’t half as cool as it sounds; most of all Hoseok had to put in double the concentration not to slip and ignore the wet and cold feeling of his clothes sticking to his skin.   
  
It was barely out of the corner of his eyes that he saw Changkyun slipping and stumbling, then falling down on his side.  
Hoseok had the urge to run over to him, to cross half the stage to see if he was okay, but all he could do was watch Minhyuk helping Changkyun up to his feet and laughing it off towards the audience.  
  
But Hoseok saw the glimmering around Changkyun’s shoulders. Saw how it tried to transform into a more plastic state for a split second. For a moment he thought this was it. This is how it ends.   
But it wasn’t.  
  
Changkyun had it all under control the next moment. Stood up, caught up with the choreography and finished it without any more trouble. Wings invisible, face professional.   
Hoseok still couldn’t stop glancing over to him for the rest of the song, until they could finally get off the stage.  


Hoseok was busy telling their manager what happened, leaving out the wing incident, when he saw Changkyun quietly leaving the room and it was only a few minutes later that he could go after him.  
He found him in the backstage bathrooms. He was in one of the stalls and Hoseok stared at the locked door for a moment  
  
“Changkyunnie?” he asked. “Are you okay?”  
  
“I’m fine.”   
  
“Can I come in?”  
  
He didn’t get an answer, but a moment later he heard the door getting unlocked and then it swung open.   
Changkyun stood with his back against the wall, smiling at Hoseok timidly. His wings were fully visible now, plastic and shimmering in a silver-grey color.   
  
“I fucked up.” Changkyun smiled, but it looked bitter.   
  
„No, you didn’t,” Hoseok hummed. „You were really strong out there.”  
  
Hoseok took a step into the stall and reached out to let his fingertips skim over soft feathers and he watched Changkyun close his eyes and take the feeling in.  
  
“I’m proud of you,” Hoseok added.  “Let’s get you home?”  
  
He held his hand out and it took a moment before Changkyun took a deep breath and his wings dissolved from their plastic state to thin air again, until nothing but a shimmering aura remained.  
Then he took Hoseok’s hand, squeezed it for a second and they walked back to the others.  


-

Changkyun sat sideways on the couch, with his legs crossed and Kihyun right behind him and let Kihyun blow dry his wings where the rain had soaked them. He’d already taken care of a small graze on Changkyun’s knee from falling down on stage. It was all cleaned out now and there was a white patch where his pajama pants were rolled up.  
  
“It’s weird,” Kihyun said. “How you can make them invisible, but they still get wet.”  
  
Hoseok walked over to the couch with careful steps, carrying a tray with hot ramen on it and put it on the table for Changkyun to eat when Kihyun was done with his wings.  
  
“Well, they’re not gone just cause they’re not visible to you guys. I still feel them and stuff,” Changkyun said, as if it was the most logical thing on earth.  
 To be fair, he had explained it a bunch of times, but it was just hard to grasp for people without wings.   
  
Both Kihyun and Hoseok looked at him with a matching puzzled expression and Changkyun just sighed.   
  
“I’m not an expert on this, okay?” he huffed. “It’s like if I asked you guys to explain to me how exactly your lungs work.”  
  
“And I’ve never heard of a wingology class in uni,” Minhyuk added while walking through the room, only half listening to them.   
  
“Exactly,” Changkyun mumbled.  
  
“Didn’t your mom explain it to you?” Kihyun asked.  
  
“She only told me to keep them hidden and not talk about them,” Changkyun sighed. “She told me everything she knows. There’s no manual for this stuff.”  
  
Kihyun finished drying them and Changkyun winced a little when he stroked through the feathers one last time, just because it was so inviting to do.   
Hoseok knew how sensitive they were and usually he was the only person who got to caress them like that. There was a tiny spark of jealousy in his chest but he ignored it. He knew how silly it was to get jealous over one of the other boys.  
  
Kihyun let Changkyun eat his ramen in peace, while Hoseok sat next to him, watching him curiously.  
Changkyun’s nose was runny and his voice sounded even raspier than usually. Not even the medicine could make him look less exhausted. With the makeup gone, his dark circles were more visible again and his skin looked dry from up close.

“I’m no doctor, but this is gonna be one hell of a cold,” Hoseok said.  
  
Changkyun sighed and stuffed his mouth with more noodles. “I know.” He said with his mouth full.  


  
They still sat there on the couch late in the evening when all the others had long gone to bed, Changkyun was wrapped up in their fluffiest blanket and Hoseok’s arm lay around his shoulder. There was some crime movie on TV but Changkyun was mostly looking through his social media on his phone and Hoseok’s eyes were tired from staring at the bright TV screen. He wouldn’t mind falling asleep with Changkyun in his arms, but they still had some kind of responsibility.   
Still hadn’t found the right time or way to tell the rest of the group just how close they really were.  
  
“You hate it, huh?” Hoseok said out of nowhere and was a little surprised himself.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Hiding your wings... You don’t like it.”  
  
“It’s exhausting,” Changkyun said and looked up from his phone and at Hoseok. “Not just physically.”  
  
When Hoseok looked at him a little longer, Changkyun sighed and started to explain.  
  
“It feels like I’m hiding so many things in public, sometimes I’m not even sure if that’s me at all out there.”  
  
Hoseok hummed. He didn’t have wings but he knew the feeling. It was a given in an industry that expected perfection and only perfection from them.  
  
“It’s not just the wings,” Changkyun said quietly. “They can’t know about you, either. Or about my sexuality, whatever that is...”  
  
He sounded sarcastic now and Hoseok pulled him a little closer to himself where his arm lay on the headrest of the couch, his fingertips playing with one or two feathers of Changkyun’s wings.   
They’d gained a little color once he’d eaten something and once he’d stepped into the warm dorm where he could finally relax.  
 They were shimmering in gloomy blue and green colors now, still a little grey here and there. Still so pretty to Hoseok- just different.  
  
“Remember when you came out to me?” Changkyun said out of nowhere, staring at the TV instead of Hoseok.   
  
“Duh,” Hoseok huffed. As if he’d ever forget taking that step. As if he’d ever forget getting rejected like that. As if he’d ever forget Changkyun telling him straight to his face to leave him alone.  
  
“You seemed so confident,” Changkyun said. „You were just like ‚I’m bi and I like you‘… as if you weren’t afraid at all.”  
  
“Are you kidding me?” Hoseok turned to look at Changkyun. “It might’ve been the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

Changkyun looked at him for a moment.

“Still. At least you know what you are, he said. “But me...sometimes I think I’m gay, but then I see a girl’s thighs or lips and I’m like... I wouldn’t say no to this...”  
  
Hoseok couldn’t help but laugh now.   
“As long as you don’t like her thighs more than mine.”  
  
“Hey,” Changkyun pinched Hoseok’s side. “I’m being serious here. I’m pretty sure I’m into girls, but then there’s you...”  
  
“And you’re really into me,” Hoseok smiled, but Changkyun just rolled his eyes at him.  
  
“Boys are pretty great in general,” Changkyun sighed.   
  
“You’re saying it’s not just me?” Hoseok teased.  
Now Changkyun finally looked at him and his eyebrows were drawn together in frustration.   
  
“I’m saying that I’m confused. It’s confusing. How can you even define attraction like that?”  
  
Hoseok sat up a little and turned to look at Changkyun. He’d abandoned his phone now and looked like he was close to an existential crisis. His nose already a little red from the cold, his eyes tired.  
  
It was easy for Hoseok to take the topic lightly, because he had had more time to think about it. He’d laid awake so many nights thinking about the same things over and over again, trying to evaluate his attraction towards different genders and trying to figure it all out.    
  
And sometimes his attraction towards one gender was stronger and all the thinking began from scratch, until he slowly grew comfortable with the term bisexual.   
Until he told himself over and over and over again that it was in fact okay to call himself bi and that he didn’t have to find a different name for it, because it was real and it was him.  
  
But Changkyun was still in the midst of that storm, maybe still in the beginning of it and Hoseok wanted to be there for him. Wanted to keep him from over-thinking it until his head hurt, like Hoseok had done so many times. Wanted to be his safe haven that he would’ve needed so much when he was younger.

“You don’t have to figure it out right now,” Hoseok said and reached for Changkyun’s hand where he’d put it out of his blanket cocoon for Hoseok to hold. His fingers were cold, even though he was wrapped up nicely, so Hoseok started rubbing them between his hands.  
 “You don’t have to find a name for it at all. It’s normal to be confused... it’s hella confusing.”  
  
“You don’t seem confused,” Changkyun said.  
  
“Sometimes I am,” Hoseok shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe I’ll always be a little confused about it, but it’s not keeping me awake anymore.”  
  
Changkyun just hummed.

“You should go to sleep,” Hoseok said. “You look terrible.”  
  
“Thanks.”   
  
But Changkyun made no attempts to say good night or get up off the couch. He leaned closer into Hoseok’s space and his hand found Hoseok’s thigh and he squeezed it a little.  
  
“Kiss me,” Changkyun demanded.   
  
“What if I get a cold, too?” Hoseok groaned, but couldn’t deny that Changkyun’s hand felt good where it massaged the inside of his thigh. Couldn’t deny that he’d like to kiss for a bit, if just to get difficult thoughts out of their heads.   
And he yet hadn’t found a way to resist any of Changkyun’s wishes.  
  
“Then we’ll have to do some explaining to the boys,” Changkyun chuckled, his voice low and content, but tired.  
  
“They’re onto us anyway,” Hoseok sighed and leaned down to peck at the edge of his mouth, then his lips. Changkyun kissed back softly and it was comforting in the dark room and Hoseok ignored the annoying TV noises and just felt Changkyun’s cold nose brushing his.   
  
“You’re cold.” He hummed between little kisses and Changkyun’s hand squeezed his thigh again.  
  
He opened his eyes for a short moment and could see the green and blue colors in Changkyun’s wings turning a little yellow here and there.   
  
“Well, you’re warm,” Changkyun smiled and squeezed Hoseok’s thigh again. “So come back here.”

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed this even tho it was very....plotless u kno :)


End file.
